Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
