Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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