Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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