and i looked up. we had an audience...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize