At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
