my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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