When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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