your parents love me but you hate me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
