You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
