I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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