Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
