So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
