A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
