I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
