we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i believe in u and ur pee
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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