we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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