Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I intend to get homeless drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
