Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
