You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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