How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
