Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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