i just made my gag reflex go away.
they're like a gay fantastic four
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize