Non-Jews are for practice
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
