"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
