i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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