i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
