it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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