sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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