I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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