I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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