I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
