I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
