We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
