Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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