I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
