The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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