I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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