Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
