I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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