Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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