went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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