Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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