Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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