Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
