so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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