Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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