My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize