Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
