It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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