Having a random hookup so left but love u
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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