Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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