Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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