oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
