my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
