so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
