This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
