And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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