Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
