apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize