He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
