Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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