Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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