If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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