Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
