I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
