I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Randomize
