nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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