The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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