Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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