Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
