watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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