Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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