I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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