so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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