i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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