it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The uberlube is also flammable
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
