So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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